Samuel..

Today I exist along side my husband in our own dimension, I have days like this. Of course I know in the "real" world he is not physically here, I am not insane.
Yet, I will tell you he is with me..I feel him. He watched over a little boy as he went through heart surgery today, a little boy that had things gone differently may not be with us today. My husbands role in the after life is again seemingly one of service, Divine as it ever was and more so. I do not mean to imply that Bobby is the reason Samuel is recovering even for a second. What I am saying is I am happy he was watching over him.

Since my brush with death in 06, I often know more than I care to sometimes and yet with my husband as my eternal partner..it is a less lonely path. Long before I knew this child was having surgery or even that he had a medical issue I knew of this day, today..surgery day.

God bless his parents for opting with the "big city hospital". I rejoice inside for this beautiful family.

In regards to Bobby, getting past the lack of physical presence is something I struggle with wildly at times...I am a hardheaded Irish girl as my husband used to call me.
I have had moments lately where the anguish swallows me whole..I seemingly stop existing.

All I know to do is pray and to focus on my child, she is what takes precedence over all else. Some weeks I get some things done, last week I accomplished a few things, important things. This week will be a challenge, I will call on the Lord and all my angels for the strength to do what I need to do to make Christmas a joyous occasion for all that are present.  Four of my children can not be home, it is hard to feel joy without the bittersweet aftertaste being apart during Christmas.
Learning to appreciate those moments that light our souls is everything, it's the best there is.

My heart sings for Samuel.